Politics: The buck (bull) stops here

"But when I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale it, and never tried it again." - Bill Clinton

"That depends on what your definition of 'is' is," - Bill Clinton

"I walk softly and carry a big stick." - "Teddy" Roosevelt

"I am not a crook," - Richard Nixon

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it'll be a hundred years before electricity makes it to the area.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One for the labor and one to borrow a billion dollars for the materials.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
260. One who already wants to change the light bulb, and 259 politicians to make a law forcing him to do it.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Change is evil and we should leave the light bulb as it is.

How many naked Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one guy to do the screwing and Richard Curtis to "help him out."

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One takes a working bulb out of another light and gives it to the other Republican, and then both lights get new bulbs by magic.


You might be a Republican if...
You've named your kids Deduction One and Deduction Two.
You might be a Republican if...
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You might be a Republican if...
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You might be a Republican if...
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
You might be a Republican if...
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You might be a Republican if...
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
You might be a Republican if...
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You might be a Republican if...
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You might be a Republican if...
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You might be a Republican if...
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You might be a Republican if...
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You might be a Republican if...
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
You might be a Republican if...
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You might be a Republican if...
You've ever called education a luxury.
You might be a Republican if...
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You might be a Republican if...
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You might be a Republican if...
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."